In these months leading up to motherhood, I find myself challenged by the need to put my child into God’s care. I have become used to trusting my life into God’s hands and going where He sends me regardless of personal fears or worldly opinions. It has become much harder since becoming pregnant. Now I have to trust another into His care.
It’s only natural to want to protect our children. It is also a godly principle to care for the ones He places under our protection. Yet we are still called to faithful obedience – despite any fear or concerns. We are not wittingly to put our family in danger, but what if God sends us to a risky place or tells us to go where we’d rather not with a family? I have always admired the obedience and faith of friends who have had such a call as a family, and have said I would go likewise if He called my family. But practice is harder than theory.
My first taste of this new barrier to obedience was a ministry trip to Rwanda. Glenn and I both felt peace about the trip and felt it was from God. At first that was enough, but then the fears and doubt began to creep in: What about malaria? What about Zika virus? What about typhoid? (I feel safer on Rwandan roads then South African so that wasn’t a fear!).
I began to doubt whether I was making the right decision. What if something happens? How could I possibly defend God sending me somewhere my child was at risk? I began fearing for God’s reputation as much as my own! I know well enough that the One who sends us is faithful, but that doesn’t always mean physical protection – just consider the original readers of Hebrews, one of the very books I was going up to teach. Those believers were at risk of torturous death for their beliefs – as were the lives of their children – and yet the author challenged them to look to Christ and persevere. Hmmm.
I have been and returned from Rwanda safely. My time there was a wonderful period of fellowship, catching up with friends, and teaching the Word of God. The teachings definitely took more out of me with my little one inside, but were very rewarding. It was a blessing to be back in that environment.
This is definitely a new season, and I know that this will likely be an on-going lesson as I learn to not only trust myself to God, but my family too. I am sure the next time He sends me to minister where I have fears for my child I will face the exact same doubts, but I pray that I will have the courage to walk in continual obedience.
Please see: http://www.sbsinternational.org/ for more information about the SBS.
Please see: http://www.ywamrwanda.com/ for more information about the Kigali YWAM base.